I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
