im six kinds of drunk right now
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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