I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
