Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
