guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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