Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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