found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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