I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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