Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize