new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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