Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
