my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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