Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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