You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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