Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
