I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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