he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
