i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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