One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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