Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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