I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize