yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
