I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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