I think I died a long time ago.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize