I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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