Umm I'm too high to move.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
