We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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