Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
two words...techno handjob
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
