It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
