Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
