after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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