Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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