Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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