there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
