i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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