ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found a bag of teeth...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
