I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
