i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
