I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
