yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
