Michael Bay diarrhea
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I love you. Go after that dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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