Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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