I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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