ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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