Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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