I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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