I just pynch a tree in the face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
