This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
