I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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