I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you made out with another girl for some wings
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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