yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
