And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
