just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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