Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
