make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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