pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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