I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
