i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
