ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
