I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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