Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
