Moan for me like Helen Keller
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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