Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
