in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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