one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
