Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
