If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
