Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
