Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
