dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
