Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
